Stanford Strong

 August 21, 2021, 2 YEARS! 8/21/21 at 11:21 pm our world blew up. I wish I could look at this day more positively and hopefully with time it will come. I wish I could be as easy going as Julian and treat this day as any other we’ve endured over the past 2 years. He is stronger and braver than he ever could have imagined. His determination to adapt, to find new paths, and to redefine himself has been inspiring. The memories of that day continue to haunt me, every moment, sound, sight, thought, expression on others is on replay.   Even being a nurse, nothing could have prepared me for the ache of watching my own child deal with pain and struggle. I’ve prided myself in being good at my career, but this has been uncharted territory. I feel helpless, wishing i could do more and question if I miss something crucial to keep Julian as healthy as possible. This battle is difficult because it’s never been won before. This is where our hope and faith of future possibilities come...

 April 27, 2023     Julian and I just drove back to Kentucky last night (7 hours ago).  Never thought I would be so comfortable driving a huge van back and forth across many states every couple of weeks.  So thankful as I drive to our home away from home that we have found a nice place to live.  It makes leaving our home and family a little easier to come to a nice apartment and an area I feel safe in by myself.  I think being alone is one of the biggest changes Julian and I have had to adjust to over the last 1.5 years.  It was made worse from Covid to physically be alone most of the time, and now that Julian and I are living in another state away from everyone.  We both used to love our friends and family time and thrive on people interaction.  It is another thing that SCI has taken from both of us.  It is very isolating, physically and mentally.  Physically, we can't just jump in the car and go on a trip, see friends or fami...

 March 31, 2023 Some updates from the wheelchair and the van. First, the van.  After we had gotten a letter from Travelers that they closed the case, our insurance Statefarm was going to process the claim.  Chris and I felt strongly that this was not their responsibility to do so after they've helped so much since Julian's accident.  In a last ditch effort to get someone at the valet company to help us, I facebook messaged the manager that the report was given to.  Not very professional, but I had called and spent hours trying to find emails with no success.  I just let her know the response back from Travelers, a little about our story, and our desire to have someone do the right thing.  She phoned me almost immediately after a message back.  She also was stunned by the response and told me she would take care of this for us and help Travelers process the claim.  It was a huge weight off our chest.  When something good happens, its outs...

 March 29, 2023 You would think not much could surprise me anymore but sadly, no.   On Feb. 27th, I took Julian to Frazier which is surrounded by University of Louisville hospitals.  They have a valet company to park patient cars.  I have been using them daily while in Kentucky since last June.  This day they return the car to Julian and I with a huge dent on the driver side.  I pointed it out to the valet and the valet manager was called that we have been very know to for the past 8 months.  He was very nice and apologetic.  He stated that the company had paperwork to fill out to file an incident report.  The paper was filled out and I retained a copy.   Several days later, I get a call from Travelers insurance company to follow up with the incident report.  I stated that the car was returned with dents.  Stated it was at hospital which I am sure had video evidence if needed of the wreck while parking.  The rep stated tha...

 March 27, 2023 I will never forget arriving at Shepherd Center in Atlanta with my 17year old son.  I really don't think there are enough words to describe those initial days in their ICU.  Julian is very sick, has pneumonia, chest tubes, trach, ventilator, foley, can't move anything below his neck, his mood was at an all time low, expressing desires to not live.   As a mom, this is the most devastating place to be.  He was my sweet baby that slept with me until he was 5, loved his family, never got off the phone or left without telling me he loved me.  I really wanted to crawl in the corner and cry, but instead I had to put on a brave face and tell him we were going to be ok.  I was talking with a co worker at work the other day who also has had difficult times with her child.  Not sure if it's a nurse thing, mom thing, or what but it's like there is a switch that can be turned on and off for our emotions.   When I arrived to Julian's accide...

 March 24, 2023 I knew posting frequently wouldn't work.  Sometimes it feels good to get my thoughts on paper just so I share them with someone, even if no one reads it.   "I'm good"- I say this so much to reassure others that I'm ok, because I know this is what people want to hear.  We have so much to worry over, adding me to the list doesn't seem productive but in no way am " I good".  I know life is still crazy right now.  Chris and I are still juggling between 2 different states with really just each other to make sure everything is taken care of with work and the kids.  Everyone has busy lives and stepping in forever to take over ours isn't something that we ever expected or thought would happen.   I worry daily if what we are doing is the right plan.  Are we doing enough for Julian?  Are we meeting Alex and Lilly's needs as children?  Did their life also stop on August 21, 2021?  Do they know how much we love them even th...

 September 19, 2022 Julian and I are settling back into our Frazier routine after going home for Labor Day.  It was bittersweet leaving this last time.  It felt so nice to have a "normal" life and get to be a mom to 3 kids, live in my house, go to the middle school, watch Lilly at gymnastics.  This is a gift to be able to have Julian at Frazier.  He is getting to do therapy that just isn't possible at home.  (Which is still so sad that patients have to travel many hours from home to get quality treatment).  I try to be so positive in all my posts to see what Hope can do and determination, all which we have in spades.  If we were on a hopeless path, being home as 1 family unit is where Julian and I would be.  We would try to Make our "new normal" as Shepherd so much drilled into our head to find.  We have once again chosen the path of trials and tribulations.  It seems to be how Chris and I like to roll.  Why take the easy path ...